I heard this morning on the news that retailers are worried, because they don’t expect a significant turnout this upcoming holiday season. They are reducing prices significantly to attract buyers, but they are not very optimistic.
And then I thought: that is exactly what Christmas has turned out to be–all about shopping. I always remember being stressed out the few weeks before Christmas, because “I had” to get all my shopping done. These past couple of years I haven’t done that. Michael and I only do one trip to the mall and that’s it–and even with just one trip we suffer through it! I get one or a couple of very small gifts to my family and because I earn a pretty good salary right now, I know that my family is thinking that I’m cheap. And that is what stresses me out now: what my family is going to think of me when I give them very small gifts this Christmas… it seems that no matter whether you choose not to give in to the Christmas consumerism or to dive completely into it, you will be stressed out either way!
What do you think? What has been your experience? Any simple gift ideas for Christmas? What do you do with your family with regards to Christmas gifts?
I found this really good article from National Catholic Reporter of someone who decided not to buy Christmas gifts after spending 20 years immersed in the materialism of the season.
we only buy a few basics for the kiddies..nothing for adults..& everyone’s happy
Excellent question! My husband and I struggle through this every single year. He is stressed, irritated and bitter about the myriad annoying aspects of Christmas (the time and expense of decorating, buying gifts when we’re low on funds, being caught without a gift for someone who has given you one, needing to buy an equal gift to match what your friends have given you, the crowds and mayhem of the malls and parking lots, etc etc etc.)
I enjoy gift giving, but I, too, am stressed by the consumerism of the holiday and the pressure to give in equal measure to what we receive. We had children much earlier than the rest of our friends, with the end result that we’ve never had a two income household and thus never risen above that threshold where a family suddenly has disposable income! Christmas comes at the end of the year, when we’re already looking back and thinking, “How did we spend so much money!” Just at the point where we’re needing to cut back and save, there’s this huge holiday that always requires hundreds and hundreds of dollars (plane tickets, holiday feasts, presents, formal clothes, etc etc.)
And family always complicates matters. Each year I specifically request that everyone buy ONE gift for each of my children. With four grandparents, two aunts and my husband and I, that’s eight gifts for each of them to open on Christmas. I think that’s plenty, especially considering that somehow, people always come out of the woodwork with unexpected gifts. Yet no one seems able to stick to this. “Well, I bought him an outfit, so I thought he should have a toy, too. And these are just books! They don’t count as presents. And he needed something small for his stocking….” *facepalm*
I suggested a “Buy Nothing Christmas” Christmas last year, but even though it seems in many ways like a good idea, I just didn’t find that it fit with the spirit of the season. Christmas is about God’s gift to us, the gift of His son, our Savior. It’s a time to reflect on our many blessings and to share those blessing with others. NOT giving seems to me just as un-Christ-like as focusing exclusively on shopping.
This year, I’m going to try my best to give things you don’t buy in a store. Babysitting kids so my friends can go to the mall in peace, for instance, or a gift basket with things I’ve made myself (chocolate sauce, Mix in a Jars , flavored oils etc.), or a photo album/story I wrote for them and made on Shutterfly (this is especially good for Grandparents.)
It’s hard, though, especially with small children, to keep the focus on Christ and off gift-giving. Even the struggle itself is a distraction that can keep us from enjoying the holiday. Thank God for the Church. Amid the hustle, bustle, arguments and frustrations, the Church knows how to celebrate: solemn, spiritual reflection during Advent followed by a burst of song, color and celebration for the Christmas season. Okay, now I’m starting to get excited for December!
Wonderful article. I try to keep gifts simple at Christmas (as I am a religious). I used to work in retail, which really, really made celebrating the true meaning of Christmas difficult. It was about SALES, SALES, SALES. I was happy to finally leave retail after I graduated from college.
I like to give handmade cards, knit a scarf – something practical.
BTW – this is my first post on your blog (which I find interesting and thought provoking). Keep up the good work!
God bless and peace
We usually are very broke, so I bake for Christmas and give everyone a big platter of fudge, cookies, pumpkin bread, etc.
They don’t have the time to bake themselves, but everyone likes cookies! I also make hot cocoa mix to give away. Presentation is everything!
To make it easier on the budget, I start stocking up in Oct. – buying a bag of flour or chocolate chips or whatever every week.
I almost always try to make something, even a trinket.
I do it for our kids as well. Last year the “hit” toy were ninja costumes for the boys, and a princess costume for the girl. They still play with them often. I bought them a week after Halloween, new, for $3 each.
This year, I’ve already started the kids presents. I bought a wooden doll bed (needs to be painted) at an estate sale for $1; I bought a travel case FULL of costume jewelry at the same sale for $3.
My kids get toothbrushes in their stockings every year too!
We have struggled with this for many years and I can attest to the stress of taking a non-consumerist approach.
It only got worse when we had children. The grandparents, all of whom are faithful Christians*, were offended at being asked to limit their gifts to their grandchildren. It was not only the amount spent but also the gifts themselves. This is a complicated situation since we want to honor and respect our parents and we also want our children to be gracious in receiving gifts. As we teach our children to eschew the consumerism in general, and particularly at Christmas, we also do not want them to have judgmental attitudes towards their grandparents or others who have different views. We explained our position to our parents but not in a way that could be construed as lecturing them, which is not our place.
As gift givers, we have tried to focus on handmade items. This does take some planning ahead of time. (Like right now!) but we have found it very fulfilling and affordable. What is more difficult is to convince others to do the same.
What I would NOT do is to give gifts that are an attempt to send a message, or that have an agenda. For example, I have heard of people giving a card that says, “I donated $XX to World Vision on your behalf” or… giving a copy of the book “Living More With Less.” There are better ways to address the situation than using the gift as a soapbox.
There was a very good article on this topic by Kirsten Vander Giessen-Reistma at catapult magazine. Unfortunately, the link is dead. I will see if I can’t find a copy of it.
* [You know, all generations have their blind spots, including yours and mine. I think that those that were children and suffered during the Great Depression are blind to the consumerism that the post WWII industrial society promotes. They were so affected by not having basic needs, that they have reacted by placing too much emphasis on a "high standard of living". ]
Great post, Katerina. This is a huge concern of mine because I worry about the example I set for my daughter. My husband & I buy her two presents and some little goodies in her stocking. We decided to limit it because with our large extended families, we didn’t want to overwhelm her. We ask them to limit their gift to only one each, because if you add them up it is still a lot, but they all understand why we limit them.
I love Christmas shopping and gift giving. We don’t spend much money because I tend to buy the presents throughout the year, or like Milehimama I make them.
My mom did such a great job keeping the Spirituality within Advent and Christmas, that I want to emulate her.
I hate the ‘consumerism’ of Christmas with the ‘Santa’ theme and the negation of anything Holy.
My own thoughts on gifts…For adults subscriptions to good Catholic magazines but for children, games and presents.
Radicalcatholicmom,
my sister every year would spend $500 each on her children and no they couldnt afford it. It led my sister and BIL to many arguments. Your idea is a good one…To be honest with all the presents my niece and nephew received Christmas day was hellish because they would become over-excited and then throw tantrums if one got a better gift than the other.
But my goodness this year has flown!
Peace to all:)
Marie
I still love Christmas despite how commercialized it has become, I love the family gatherings.
I usually give friends and family one gift a year at Christmas cause I hate shopping for gifts and such. I like giving gift vouchers so the person can get what they want. Dont understand why people feel obligated to spend so much money, most often what they cant afford on gifts, the amount spent does not impress me in the least. Money does not buy nor show love….I’m not ungrateful but I’m just a really simple person who does not want or need much materially to make me happy.
I agree but disagree. I believe that we as Catholics should keep a balance in our life. When giving a gift the most important thing is the thought and love you put into that gift. I know that everybody cant afford to give expensive nice things but we try to give the best we can. I dont think we should throw ourselves to both ends of the spectrum and say I’m going to buy the cheapest thing I can find or say I’m going to go all out and buy a thousand dollar necklace. All I’m trying to say is always give the best you can because giving is receiving.
The Widow’s Gift Mark 12:41-43 (She gave all she had)
Thanks K. for this post, and for the thoughtful comments by all. That so many people are struggling with this is in fact encouraging.
Beyond the good suggestions everyone has made already, I would add that with our kids (and yes, that is where it gets tough) the single best thing was to get rid of broadcast or cable TV. We’re not purists mind you; we watch plenty of DVDs and tapes. But that gives you so much more control, and freedom from the haze of advertising. The weeks before the holidays are just a lot more peaceful without the ad blitz. (Also, get to the Sunday paper first to get rid of the glossy toy catalogs.) The kids wish lists are A LOT shorter since we’ve done this. Room on their lists, and in their hearts, for a wish for peace on earth.
We do get our kids some reasonable gifts at Christmas, and participate in the family gift exchange for adult siblings and Grandma on one side of the family. To preserve Christmas itself, I’ve been making the case with my wife for years that we should move any gift exchanging back to New Years as a purely secular thing, or to Epiphany where it would make some conceivable sense. There is just no way this makes sense to me on Christmas day, and it grates on me every year. But so far, she’s not “buying it.” (She’s really good about making great craft gifts.)
Another idea that has been working really well in my family for about 5 years now: the adult siblings have agreed to drop costly gifts in favor of a white elephant gift exchange — $5 or less or used items only — with elaborate rules for trading and lots of imagingation put into finding or making the most absurd things possible. We have a truly hilarious time every year.
Prince Lackadasia’s last paragraph reminded me of a practical thing we have implemented within the extended families. We all agreed to a one person name draw eliminating everyone feeling the obligation to get a gift for every other person.
Thank you so much for the ideas! I agree with the hand-made gifts and the no-TV policy for the kids :) I need to start knitting then!
there is another idea!
how about “the world’s most useful gift catalogue”: a range of gifts for those who actually need it the most? This is from an Aussie-based Christian organisation who connect justice with generosity… http://www.tear.org.au
I think the sister sites for non-Aussie peoples are:
http://www.tearfund.org
and http://www.livinggifts.org.uk
hope this helps!
Also, when my friends were married, they had people hand-make gifts for them, or donate to TEAR… they raised over 1200 clams and received amazingly practical, beautiful gifts, like home-grown tomato sauce and hand-stitched pillowslips… so… people are definitely up for an alternative way of gift-givingness!
[...] 6th, 2007 by Katerina Ivanovna As you know, I don’t agree with the consumerism that characterizes the Christmas season, but the truth is that 2000 years ago we received the best [...]
[...] you know, I don’t agree with the consumerism that characterizes the Christmas season, but the truth is that 2000 years ago we received the best [...]